Today I was asked something that threw me a bit. A friend asked "So your faith must be pretty broken, huh? How can you even believe in your God anymore after all that you've been through the last two years?"
I was startled by her question for a second. I told her this:
Is my faith shaken, yes. Is it broken, never. These past 2 years have been rough, really rough. My family has had a lot to deal with packed into a short span of time. But, that doesn't mean I don't believe or trust God anymore. It's just the opposite. My faith now is stronger than it has ever been.
She told me that she was impressed by my courage and that I was a real inspiration to others and asked me to pray with her.
I'm not trying to be an inspiration, and it certainly doesn't feel like I'm being courageous.
But the whole conversation got me thinking about things.
I don't know how people can go through life's hardships without Christ. People turn away from Him in times of sorrow, but for me, that's when I need him the most and I run to him. I wouldn't be able to handle these things without the strength that He gives me.
And while I'm sad, I know that it is ok to be. My faith tells me that it is ok to grieve and morn. But it also tells me that those feelings will pass. I'm filled with sadness and anger right now, but I'm also filled with a hope and a peace and a love that I know will never leave. The bible talks about a "Peace that passes all understanding" and that's what I have. I will never understand why bad things happen, but I KNOW that God has a plan for me and things will work out. I'm confident that I will see all of the babies I have carried in my womb one day, and they will recognize me and run to me!!
So, while I'm not trying to inspire anyone, I'm glad if I have. Maybe this was God's plan all along. Perhaps he's using me and what I've gone through to show others that He will provide no matter what. I've never been one to stand up and testify for the Lord much. Maybe this is my testimony. Maybe God is using me in this way for a better purpose. If so, I'm glad. If my life can shine for him so that others can see it in me, then I've done the best that I can.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11