23 January 2011

rational fears

I believe that everyone in this world has fears, and that those fears can be either rational or irrational. At what is rational to you, may not be to me, and vise-versa.

For example:
I see a clown, and think "fun time at the circus". Cody's brother sees one and nearly wets his pants. To me, this is an irrational fear, but it makes sense to him.

On the other hand, I believe that some fears are strictly rational, regardless of who has them. I am having a few of those right now.

I FEAR that I may lose this baby, because of a previous loss.

I FEAR that I will have postpartum depression severely because I did after Noah.

I FEAR that Noah will feel left out and unloved once Sprout comes along because I have seen it happen with other children.

I FEAR that my body will not be able to handle this pregnancy and I will be placed on long term bed-rest because that happened last time.

But most of all, I FEAR that I will not be mother enough, or have enough love for two children, because I am not sure that I can love anyone else the way I love Noah.

That last fear may not be rational to some of you, but it is something that has been in my head and on my heart of the last few days. I don't understand how mothers of more than one do it. I guess I'll figure it out in the end.

Until next time, don't let your fears, rational or other-wise, get the best of you,

1 comment:

  1. I don't even know you, but I wish I could give you a hug. I could reply to this blog with how I felt during my second pregnancy, and how much I feared everything going wrong...but I know that will not help you at all right now. I don't know at all about how you are feeling right now, butIi do know how it feels to have one of your worst fears come true. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers these last couple days. <3