29 December 2010


Sometimes I get mad. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I intentionally hurt others feelings. Sometimes I swear. Sometimes I swear a lot. Sometimes I am jealous of the fact that Mr. I gets to go to work while I am a stay at home mom. Sometimes I ignore when my phone rings. Sometimes I put on a fake smile because I know that it is what the world wants to see. Sometimes I am so happy. Sometimes I love my life just the way it is. Sometimes I am desperate for some sort of change. Sometimes I leave Meta here with Mr. I for no reason other than I need a break. Sometimes I wonder if trying for a second child is really the right thing to be doing. Sometimes I hate myself. Sometimes I love myself. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed. Sometimes I wish I could just shut myself off from the rest of the world for a while. Sometimes I wish Meta came with a mute button. Sometimes I wonder if Meta's bad behavior is simply him being a toddler, or if it is something I am doing wrong. Sometimes I doubt my ability as a mother. Sometimes I wish I had a "real" job. Sometimes I couldn't imagine doing anything else in the world but what I am doing right now. Sometimes I dream of being stationed overseas. Sometimes the thought of living so far away from everyone I love (besides C & N) terrifies me. Sometimes I eat so that I don't have to focus on the issues that are really bothering me. Sometimes I wish for another deployment. Sometimes I hate this military life. Sometimes I love being an Air Force wife. Sometimes I look at Noah and wonder how it is possible to love someone so much. Sometimes I am afraid I may pull my hair out if I have to repeat myself one more time. Sometimes I am a poor example of God's love and mercy. Sometimes I am mean. Sometimes I am not the wife I want to be. Sometimes I look at my cluttered little house and think who cares. Sometimes that same clutter will cause me to have an anxiety attack. Sometimes I have to take a step back and be brutally honest about myself, with myself, and with you. This was one of those times.


  1. Me too to 99.9% of this!!!! <3 I love you Kelsie!!!

  2. Love it Kelsie!!! :) I am the same on SOOOO many of these!

  3. Oh Kelsie. This, ALL of it, makes you normal sweet friend. *hugs* Thanks for sharing.