I can't believe it. I really can't. How can my little boy be 3 already? It seems like yesterday I was getting a cercluage put in to save him, and now look where we are. He is so big, and so smart. But so darn ornery! But I love him. I love every single moment of his life. I hate that Cody has to miss so many of those great moments, but I know that his job is important.
And now here we are in mid-December. It's hard to believe that this year is almost over. In a way, I'm glad. This time last year we were staring down the barrel of another deployment, and Cody would be gone in less than a month. Now, we're staring down the barrel of shoulder surgery for him, but at least he is at home and safe. We both know that it is a very real possibility that he will deploy again in June, but we are trying not to get ahead of ourselves and worry about that now. For now we'll just continue to enjoy the time we have together.
And, I am almost a year out from my weight loss surgery!!! HOORAY! I can't believe it. I am down a total of 160lbs from my highest weight and 125 from the date of surgery. It is like a whole new me. My friends and I like to joke that I lost all 3 Jonas Brothers! :) But, in reality, this is a really hard time for me. I still don't see "Skinny KK" like all my friends do. I see "Fat KK". Maybe not as fat as I was, but still, not as small as I know I really am. Shopping for clothes blows my mind. I am smaller than the sizes that I think I should fit in. And the sizes that I do fit into look so tiny to me that it seems impossible. Some people have told me that I have lost too much weight, that I am too skinny, and that I am starting to look sick. Those words not only hurt, but they scare me. Thankfully my weight loss seems to have leveled off in the last 2 weeks or so. I am comfortable with where I am. My surgeon told me to be prepared to gain a few lbs back once my body regulates itself and I'm ok with that too. I just don't ever want to be what I was before. I am on B12 shots once a month now, for the rest of my life. Whether that is a by-product of the surgery or not, we'll never really know. But hopefully soon they will make me feel better.
In other news, I plan on talking to my surgeon in a few weeks when I go in for my 1 year post-op checkup. I am going to ask him about getting pregnant again. They said that I would have to wait until I was 12-18 months out from surgery, depending on how fast I lost my weight. Well, obviously it has all dropped off and then some. I am positive that he will give me the go ahead, since it is something we touched on in our last appointment. I am so desperate to have another child. And I won't lie...I really really want a girl. But, after all of the difficulty we had getting pregnant with Noah, (And we are expecting that this time too) I will just be happy to be able to have another baby. We will be referred to the fertility clinic, and it is usually a 6-8 month wait. And that's AFTER they know it works for you....like us. So, we're hoping that in that 6-8 month time frame we'll be able to do it on our own and won't need them when they call. But if we don't, I am ok with going back to the clinic. We had a great experience last time, even through all the heartache and sorrow that comes along with infertility. All I know is that I want a baby more than just about anything right now, and Cody is on board with doing whatever it takes to have another.
Ok, I think I am done for the night. I wish I could leave you with some witty comment or interesting life fact, but I just don't think that's gong to happen right now. So, until next time, stay positive, and keep life in perspective....at least you're not being eaten by a bear.
Peace & blessings...peace & blessings.